You Remind Me Of Home

This week was my first living in this house without Shane. The weekend was tough enough because we had many silent moments and awkward statements, not wanting to mention but still feeling what Monday would bring, or take away. It didn't really hit me much Monday. I guess because I've been here in the mornings when he leaves for work or for a reserve weekend. Throughout the day i got a little sadder and sadder. I knew I'd be going home to an empty house. And I had to do my shopping for my meals for one. Around 6ish I was at work and fixing some signs when I looked up at the front door and in walked Shane! I was dumbfounded. He came over to me and all I could say was "You're not supposed to be here?!" He brought me two roses and hung out with me until it was time to leave. We went to walmart and shopped together He was very helpful.

He had come home to pick up some stuff and because he had gotten information on his orders for deployment. So the good news is he won't miss hat wedding that I'm in, and he won't miss our anniversary. My birthday on the other hand. But I've never been big for birthdays. Its just another day and 24 isn't much special. So I was really glad I didn't have to spend Monday night alone.

Tuesday I had the day off so I went to my parents and did all my laundry. It was also my brothers birthday so I gave him a gift and just hung out there. Packed up more stuff and brought it over. Tuesday night, however... Shane called and we talked for a good hour. Nothing interesting. A while after I was off the phone with him i had a panic attack. I've never lived alone, I've barely every slept a night in a place alone. And when i did that it was the house I'd lived in for 23 years. I felt so alone and scared. i had to run to turn on the TV so there was sound and lock the door that instant. I then did mindless chores like folding laundry to calm down. It worked but it was still disheartening. This isn't a very big house but it felt huge without him in it. And its a lot easier to feel secure when you have a marine by your side.

I made it through the night and so far I'm doing alright. I get sad just about every night. I talk to the cat a lot. She bites back. I managed to get today off (they called and said they were over in hours and if i wanted to take a day off I could). But the days aren't bad at all. The nights are a bitch though. I have a few things to keep me busy today anyway. Writing this for one.

I didn't do my yoga or exercise on Tuesday when i should have. But my excuse is, I went to put on the new DVD I got for Xmas and the woman's voice bothered me so much it put me off for the day. I probably wont use that one. Today I will try and use the set I saved on YouTube. And maybe do some push ups or something lol. I think next week I'm going with my friend Rachel to a Zumba class. Its like a high energy cardio booty dance thing lol. It looked like fun and she wants someone to go with so what the hell. I did manage to learn my new vocab word and a phrase in German for the week (I saved them in a comment on last weeks post). My vocab word is caliginous. It means misty, dim or dark usually regarding the sky. For example; after all the fireworks had bursted their bright bulbs of color the air was caliginous, the luster was gone. and my German phrase (I even learned how to pronounce, and spell it) mein Deutsch ist nicht sehr gut which means My German isn't very good.  It only seemed fitting. I also go t out my guitar! It took me till Wednesday though. Better late than never. It took me a while to tune it. I hate tuning. But I got it as close as a newbie like me could. And I relearned twinkle twinkle little star. I think it counts because when i pulled the guitar out I had no idea how I played it before.. it was like new. That resolution is gonna be tough. Playing hurts my fingers and practicing over and over. Oi. I'll keep trying though.

I guess that's it for news. Oh Shane and I ordered a new GPS from bestbuy with gift cards and stuff we had and it came in the mail yesterday. It was the first thing that had been mailed to ME at this address. It was really exciting. It's a Garmin etrex venture handheld. We're hoping it will do a lot better for geocaching. But the thing is tiny. It fits in my hand and the screen is like 2 inches. We'll see though. Well I have to clean up this room a bit so I have space to do yoga. Until next week. I leave you with a little ditty sung by Ben Gibbard (my favorite).